I urge you to compile a playlist of every song you loved and listened to growing up. Then listen to it often. It will blow your mind. Take you off the high horse you ride and remind you where you came from. That is what it did for me anyway….
You know all of those memories we run from? All of the times we hurriedly moved on? Mostly, it is good to move on, but sometimes, we lose the simple in the name of our progress. Progress in our life is good, so it’s an enigma, really. I’ve tried to deal with that in the writing below. Perhaps you can shed some light, or am I the only one who thinks about such things?
So many years ago.
Each song playing a creative role
in who I am today.
I had no idea there were so many.
One hundred quickly turned into six hundred.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have opened up the box.
But it’s all part of my going home.
It hurts. It delights. It is euphoric. It is depressing.
The pressure on my chest is so heavy.
My chest is rising to my throat.
I feel it lodged there, unable to move.
I feel pinned down.
A captive in a long lost moment in time.
Unnatural that I should live it twice.
What am I so afraid of?
Each song a memory.
Each song an awakening.
If I let go, I’ll turn back into that wild child.
She was a tangled mess.
Full of endless compassion.
Creative like the wind is creative.
And free just like the wind.
But with freedom always comes the pain.
Landing wholeheartedly on every spot.
Stumbling in, like a bull or a drunk.
I’ve worked hard to put her to rest.
She wasn’t widely accepted.
But she DID fascinate.
I sold her.
Traded her for something I thought was better.
I’ve really missed her through the years.
I don’t’ think sorry will cut it though.
I’m floating now.
Floating on the wings of every note.
I’m observing again.
(It used to be my profession. I hardly ever spoke).
Taking it all in. Eighty five percent there.
Voiceless- swaying- pensive.
Eyes softly resting. Closed.
And the tears begin to flow.
Secret feelings that only I can feel.
Randomly singing along in full voice.
I hear more now.
I guess you could say I hear better.
Where I used to struggle to achieve each new sound,
everything comes so easily now.
I hear more- that is true.
But I feel less.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have downloaded the playlist.
What good could it possibly do?