It sits in the corner.
I can’t play it anymore.
It starkly, sadly, matter-of- factly condemns, and it is correct in its assessment of me.
I have no one to blame.
Waiting for that perfect day, not even daring to run my fingers across its frame.
I lost the most honest part of me because it was mixed with the biggest lie…when I rode her rails.
So I can’t play it anymore. Heck, I can barely even sing, and when I do…
It’s empty…sawdust…. nothing of substance, and a reminder of all that I’d become.
If I EVER play it again, it will have to be 100% real.
And I’m not there yet…
I hear the voices in my head say….”maybe if you just pick it up….maybe you will find your way back…”
But I know the truth. I know it won’t satisfy.
Not until my soul is right.
Not until the light outshines the fear, outshines the past. Outshines that ghost of a girl, the counterfeit….
Not until I am seven once again. Not until I am seven once again. Fresh like mountain water.
And so, she sits in the corner.
How does one become seven for real?
How can one enter her Mother’s womb and be born again?
I still have hope and I smile at what might be….
I begin to believe and then I falter….
But there is a time for everything under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-11
‘There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven ~
2 A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.9 What profit is there to the worker from that in which he toils? 10 I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves. 11 He has made everything appropriate in its time…..”