Archive for November, 2009

I  used to be a singer/songwriter.  Some said I was pretty good.  Was even offered a development deal with Warner Chappell (which I was prevented from taking, but that is another story).

Still, I’m glad my life went that way afterall.  In retrospect, and after years of bitterness.

I used to sing and write as a result of listening to the radio and all of those popular records.

I used to sing and write as a direct result of that live performance high.

And let me tell you, all of those things apply to modern day “Christian” music as well.  Not just for me, but for everyone (yes I said everyone) else in the business.  Even back then I knew that Christian music was a “money making” industry first and foremost, and I didn’t get too caught up in it.  I played everything from oldies to top 40 as well. Not considering one genre holier than the other.

It’s been 5 years since I seriously picked up my guitar to write.  There are genuine reason for that.

I’ve been ashamed.  And I found myself lost for a time, so I needed to work it all out.

Ashamed that I ever sold out to what I thought people wanted to hear.  Sold out to my own brainwashing of what I thought constituted a good song.  I, like most songwriters, tried to find that perfect formula, that “hook”, that singable melody, that radio appeal.

Forgive me Father.

Here’s what I’m looking for today:

If You dropped me down from heaven onto this earth without giving me any previous exposure to what was played on earth, and you told me to sing, what would my heart sing?  MY heart. The heart that YOU gave me.   Not the one the world wants to fashion us to become as musicians.  Not the one my ear has become accustomed to hearing.  Not the one that I think may get me on the radio.

You, oh Lord, have given us all talents to use for your kingdom.  YOUR kingdom.  The true kingdom.  Not that money making, record playing, “sound” that everyone is trying to achieve.  The sound that does a lone performance for the destitute widower.   The sound that encourages the children from the back porch while they play together in the streets.  The sound that plays to YOU alone on the mountain giving back the gift You gave.  THAT sound.  That is the sound I am in search of today.  I can only find it in my own heart as it opens up to you.  So for now I am busy searching  for truth, for real in my motivations and my creativity.  No matter how unpopular it may be.

I wonder how many musicians are content with that?  I know a few.  I will never hear them on the radio, no matter how often I long to sit beside them as they strum.

Famous musicians, radio played artists, and CD covered graced entertainers don’t do it for me anymore.  Heaven forbid I might have become one of them.   Sure their music is fine.   But their cause?  It doesn’t stir me anymore.  Not like it used to.  Their ranks I don’t want to join.

Thank you for this journey Father.  Give me courage to find that seven year old who lives inside of me, that I may get back to YOU.  That I may pick up my guitar.  That I might write with my pen, that which you have commissioned me to write.  That which you have ordained ME to say.

I am patient for now. Increase this patience that the work you are doing in me may be accomplished.

But Iwant you to know that I feel You blowing  the embers.  Jesus, I feel You blowing on the embers.

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It sits in the corner.

I can’t play it anymore.

It starkly, sadly, matter-of- factly condemns, and it is correct in its assessment of me.

I have no one to blame.

Waiting for that perfect day, not even daring to run my fingers across its frame.

I lost the most honest part of me because it was mixed with the biggest lie…when I rode her rails.

So I can’t play it anymore.  Heck, I can barely even sing, and when I do…

It’s empty…sawdust…. nothing of substance, and a reminder of all that I’d become.

If I EVER play it again, it will have to be 100% real.

And I’m not there yet…

I hear the voices in my head say….”maybe if you just pick it up….maybe you will find your way back…”

But I know the truth.  I know it won’t satisfy.

Not until my soul is right.

Not until the light outshines the fear, outshines the past.  Outshines that ghost of a girl, the counterfeit….

Not until I am seven once again.  Not until I am seven once again.  Fresh like mountain water.

For real…..

And so, she sits in the corner.

How does one become seven for real?

How can one enter her Mother’s womb and be born again?

I still have hope and I smile at what might be….

I begin to believe and then I falter….

But there is a time for everything under the sun.





Ecclesiastes 3: 1-11

‘There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven ~
2 A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.
9 What profit is there to the worker from that in which he toils?  10 I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves. 11 He has made everything appropriate in its time…..”

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My New Cooking Page

I’ve been a little busy the last few days setting up my brand new cooking page.

Read all about it here: Kat’s Healthy Cooking Page

It’s going t be a little time consuming as I’d like to take pictures of each one, and I have a ton!

Please bookmark the page and check back often.

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Well, I’m on my third day!

If I can consistently maintain a routine of early morning walking in THIS weather, I should be able to maintain it through anything.

And let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy.

We are currently located in a tiny town that is captured between two lakes, and can’t escape the wild gusts that whip through her streets.

In the early morning, though,they are particularly biting.

It’s late autumn and we have yet to see our first snowfall.  Black clouds hover, icy winds chill, but still no snow.

I suppose snow would be preferable – would cause the dark clouds to move on, warming things up a bit.

Sparkling white would certainly outdo the drabby grey.

Nevertheless, alarm buzzes at 6:30, feet plop onto floor almost immediately.  No delaying this important matter of establishing routine long lost.

Through slit eyes tea is brewed and I sit on the couch.  No one else I’d rather be with in the early morning hours.  I love being with my husband, but not at this time.  This time is reserved for the Great Comforter. It warms my heart, and I bow to say “Hello.”  “Hello Jesus.”

And on this particular morning, I departed from my regular chapters and felt the urge to recite Psalms 23 over and over.  Until I get it.  Until it settles into my Spirit like it so easily did as a child.  So much easier to believe as a child.  So much easier without all the voices and the awareness of all potential danger.

Nevertheless, I held the Book on my lap and read from her script,

The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;.
He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His names sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; for thou art with me, Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou dost prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
Thou has anointed my head with oil.  My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

And it is quiet.  And it brings clarity.  Letting go of chains that tangle, and peering into the face of reality (there it is!) & perspective (thank you!)  It’s good to come home, where boughs hang over this country lane and birds sing their pleasant morning songs.  Good to see you Jesus.

Later, I don a t-shirt, a long sleeved shirt, a sweat shirt, a hoodie, and finally a coat.  I wrap a scarf, cap ears with toque, pull on fingered gloves, and tie up running shoes (soon it will be winter boots).  Then I embrace the elements as I journey 30 minutes in this little town.

Sure, it’s a little hard at first; Establishing this morning prayer and Bible time, followed by an early morning walk.  It’s a sacrifice, but anything worth keeping is worth doing well.  And I’d like to keep this.  I know it is going to change my life.  It already has.

So, I’ll keep you posted from time to time on how my early mornings are going and what He speaks into me.

Time to go make breakfast.







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Picture1This was written this past spring while in Costa Rica 4 months.  Ultimately we ended up doing a Rice N Beans Ministry that involved supplying rice and beans and picking up garbage in dirty neighborhoods…

(names have been changed to protect the parties in this commentary)

Costa Rica is the only place I’ve ever been where the ocean and sky are so much the same color, it’s hard to tell where the two meet.  Azure waves languidly tumbling against the shore; azure skies mesmerizing watchful eyes into an endless firmament; both lulling the towns into a never-ending siesta.

And in the nearby jungles White-Faced Capuchin monkeys, too, recline on branches and sloths hang upside down under the shaded trees.  Iguanas sunbathe on scorching rocks beside the sea.  Red tailed hawks glide and turn like paper airplanes, and rest finally, high atop the sprawling hardwoods and silently survey the land. Colorful butterflies curiously float through the trees, descending on pathways and delighting passers-by, inevitably departing to land on peach and pink hibiscus.

Only the tiniest of the multicolored and varied exotic birds move with any kind of haste, as they dart from trees into the dark jungle overgrowth at lightning speed.

It is here, in this land of wonder and intrigue, our Traveling Mercies Ministries has landed.

Our purpose for being here is three fold:

We’ve been married for two years and have never had a honeymoon- this is it!

We have been separated for five months, living with relatives for nine, and catapulted into high stress since the day we said, “I do.”  We have desperately needed to REST and regroup- this is it!

And of course our hearts, as always, are to reach the people for God- and boy, oh boy- this is it!

Which brings me to the intertwining of our lives with Ron and Estella. (more…)

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Two different men.  Two similar incidents.

One acts with class, the other without.
























I don’t care how many degrees you have.  I don’t care how black you are.  I don’t care how many times you have been mistreated in your life. I dont’ care if your perception of an incident is correct or incorrect… Tantrums are still childish and spoiled.  Arrogance is still arrogance no matter what name it wears. No matter what it looks like, and no matter what cause it claims.  How about a little class? How about the fruits of the Spirit?  How about adopting the attitudes of Jesus, who, though it cost Him his life, NEVER fought viciously, or profanely for his rights.

Galatians 5:22-23  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

How about Paul’s call to love, no matter what

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

I mean what if your claim to fame is that you are a rock star?    What if the law falsely detained you and you were a rock star?  I mean what if? (more…)

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“Two are better than one….for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion….furthermore if two lie down together they keep warm….A chord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

It is good to have a friend.

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